Guest Expert: Tips for Helping Children Who Are Bullied

By .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on September 10, 2009

(By Dr. Allan Beane and Dr. Clete Bulach)

Bullying is abuse and victimization.  It is behavior that is intentional, hurtful, and persistent.  Bullied children are teased, harassed, rejected, and assaulted (verbally and/or physically) by one or more individuals (peers or adults).  This happens because there’s an imbalance of strength (power and dominance); and all bullying is serious, but when it is intense and lasts for a significant period, it is very serious – it is violent.  In fact, it is the most common form of school violence.

More and more educators are beginning to realize that bullying is destructive to the well-being of students and is creating very unsafe communities and schools.  The number of school shootings, suicides, criminal cases and lawsuits involving bullying in our country has driven this fact home in the minds of a lot of people. To prevent and stop bullying there must be as systematic school-wide effort. While it’s impossible to discuss all of the components and elements of such and effort in the confines of this post, it is possible to provide a sampling of ideas for helping victims of bullying on an individual-level.

When you try to help students who are bullied, your goal should be to immediately help them be safe, help them heal the hurt, manage their hurt, increase their chance of feeling accepted. Try to give them a sense of belonging, and help them deal with bullying when an adult is not around to help them. Once you’ve done this, you can try some of strategies we’ve seen help other schools, such as these:

• Immediately develop a safety plan (i.e., never walk alone, don’t go some places alone, avoid unsupervised areas or areas where there is not enough supervision, avoid bully when possible, etc.).
• Immediately increase and/or improve supervision in the areas where bullying is occurring.  Ask the adults to closely monitor the interactions of the bullied students with other students.
• Ask the bullied students to report to an adult (of their choice) once or twice a day to let them know how they were treated.  Later, the number of reports could be reduced.
• Tell the student he or she doesn’t deserve to be bullied.  No one does.  Some bullied students sometimes believe they are defective.
• Let the student know you are glad to know about the bullying and that you will do your best to stop it in a way that will not make it worse.  This is a fear students have.  Tell him or her that they are not expected to deal with the bullying alone.  It has been proven over and over that, when adults get involved, bullying can be reduced and stopped.
• Ask the student to write down their thoughts and feelings about what has happened in a journal/notebook. Give their parents or a trusted adult permission to read what they have written.  Journaling helps them to work through their emotions and thoughts about their mistreatment.
• Share strategies from anti-bullying books with the victim and parents/guardians (find some at our site).
• Teach victim not to retaliate. More violence is not the way to deal with violence.
• Get the bullied student involved in activities that will body strength, self-confidence, and self-esteem.  Bullies often pick on students they think are alone or easy targets.
• Get the student involved in service and charity projects.  Ask them to reach out to others around them who need encouragement, support, and help. Helping others is a great way to start the healing process. (Ffind more about this at CSEE’s BullyBust.org site)
• Provide assertiveness training for the victim. 
• When appropriate, suggest professional counseling for the child who is bullied.

This post does not mean to imply that it is the victim who needs to change.  It does, however, imply that victims can be empowered to regulate what’s happening to them. Bullies do need our help to change.  They can create all kinds of societal problems (i.e., crime, spouse abuse, child abuse, animal abuse, unsafe work environments) when they become adults. 

What in (or missing from) this list has worked for you to regulate bullying at an individual level? What school-wide efforts have helped your school to reduce bullying? Share with us in the comments below!

Dr. Clete Bulach is the CEO of The Professional Development and Assessment Center (PDAC), and an author and educator about bully prevention
and school climate. Dr. allan Beane is a former classroom teacher, is an internationally recognized expert, speaker, and author on bullying, as well as a nationally renowned consultant and educator. For more resources from these, check out these websites and publications:

Creating a Culture for a High-Performing Schools: A Comprehensive Approach to School Reform, and Dropout Prevention, by     Cletus R. Bulach

Protect Your Child from Bullying:  Expert Advice to Help You Recognize, Prevent, and Stop Bullying Before Your Child Gets Hurt, by Dr. Allan L. Beane